What might sting...

The point of me writing about my husband and my most intimate experiences is because over the last two years I have found immense comfort in reading about other women's infertility struggles and successes. I am not looking for sympathy and I certainly hope that these posts don't come across as whinny. I'm just trying to help another sista out.

Throughout our infertility journey we have experienced many difficult situations. I want to be clear that most of these situations came to be because we kept our story a secret for so long.  I realize that many of these things wouldn't have happened if we told people early on what we were going through.  The point of this post isn't to make people feel badly, but rather help us all become a little bit more mindful of others potentially difficult situations. Infertility, illness, or whatever it might be. Below is a list that I personally have found difficult and have read that many other women find them difficult as well. I am the first to admit that I didn't think of these things at all prior to two years ago when we started trying to build a family.  

• Be conscious of the fact that a couple might be struggling with infertility.
• Not all people want to have children - don't assume.
• The question "when are you having children?" is such a hurtful question.  It assumes that 1) they want children 2) they are able to have children and 3) they have control over when they can have them.
• While you are thrilled about your pregnancy and want to broadcast it to the world, be careful how you go about doing it.  Chances are at least one person you tell your happy news to is struggling with infertility and might even have recently suffered a miscarriage. Don't get me wrong, this shouldn't take away from the joy you are experiencing right now but just be mindful.
• If you are pregnant and you have a friend that is experiencing infertility expect that she will push herself away from you. Don't take this personally. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.  She is happy for you but doesn't know how to deal with the question "why can't that happen to me too?".  Give her space and time.  She will come around.
• Baby showers can be the absolute most difficult time for an infertile woman. If you have a friend kindly decline an invite, don't question it or get upset.  Chances are your friend will spend the day in bed feeling sorry for herself while also being consumed with guilt for not being mentally able to attend.
• Don't be obvious, but if you know someone who has struggled with getting pregnant tell your suspected friend about it -- sometimes hearing other peoples stories can be comforting
• Don't be offending if your friend doesn't tell you about her infertility problems.  It is one of the most intimate health issues a couple can experience.
• If you have children and a friend invites you somewhere and doesn't mention that it is a kid-friendly get together, plan to leave your child(ren) with a sitter or with the hubby. She just needs some girl time.
• Add variety to your conversations -- work, family, friends, kids, currently events, etc. Hearing only about pregnancy and babies can be a heart breaking experience for people going through fertility issues.
• Try not to isolate childless couples, they do it enough their selves.  Don't be afraid to include them in anything.  The worst that could happen is they say 'no thanks'.  
• Some infertile women find comfort and hope in cuddling small infants. Let your friend know she is welcome to come visit your new little nugget.
• Surprise pregnancies are difficult to digest, especially when people say they weren't even trying, or they aren't even sure they want kids. It will take a long time for an infertile couple to recover from a surprise announcement. Someone very close to me had me over and delicately told me her and her husband were trying for a baby. This wasn't news she was broadcasting to the world, but I was so touched that she told me so that we could prepare ourselves for the news.

Again, the point of this post isn't for people to feel shitty about themselves. Hell, I've probably done half of this shit before.  I am writing to promote awareness about something that is a huge part of my life now. If I can help even one person I will be a happy camper.

Off to eat oatmeal cookies. I hear them screaming my name from the counter...