Reality Bites

My husband and I were married in our mid 20's after 3 years of dating. We were the first of our friends to get married so it was that much more exciting. While it felt a little strange to be a married couple among so many single friends, we always were conscious that others might be uncomfortable being around a married couple.  We have always been really good at maintaining our independence for that reason.  Over the years we have never felt any pressure from our family and friends to jump into starting a family, which we were so grateful for.  We certainly weren't ready to bring a child into the world in our mid 20's without first getting our ducks in a row. We also wanted time to connect as husband and wife before we jumped into Mommy and Daddy role and risk losing our intimate partnership.  We wanted stable jobs, to own a home, and to have a long term plan.  About 4 years into our marriage we decided that we were as ready as we were ever going to be. Go time! We calculated when we would have to get pregnant to be off for maternity leave at the end of a school year.  I did not want to mess up the school year for my students (God, I'm a good teacher!). My husband and I decided to play it off to everyone that we weren't ready for children so we didn't feel the pressure. We constantly joked that we'd be the worst parents, even though inside we knew we'd be amazing parents. I was absolutely convinced that I became pregnant after that first month trying. WRONG. The following month had the same outcome, and so did the month after that and after that. Months turned into a year, and a year turned into two. The disappointment was nearly unbearable. How could it be taking this long? My whole life I was taught to protect myself from a unwanted pregnancy.  I assumed that as soon as I was ready and we 'pulled the goalie' that things would just come together (that's what she said). Boy oh boy, was I ever wrong. The life changing journey that follows was something neither of us ever expected...