A Belated Thanksgiving Meal

Last weekend my family came to our place for a belated Thanksgiving celebration.  This year more then ever I have really appreciated Fall -- the colours, the traditions, the weather and the yummy comfort food.  There seems to be a sense of calmness about this season.  Perhaps its because I've been hibernating for most of it or maybe because of the crazy two years we've had -- regardless, I am welcoming it with open arms. 

My husband and I took on the task of cooking the entire meal which had to be gluten free.  We opted to omit the stuffing from the bird since we only had 5 adults and 1 child and didn't require another side dish.  On the menu; a big ol' bird, creamy garlic mashed potatoes, maple syrup buttercup (not butternut) squash, corn, coleslaw, and lots of dill pickles! What is a turkey dinner without pickles?! Exactly. My nausea thankfully left long enough for me to enjoy my meal -- Cha-ching!

The below information is from the Turkey Famers of Canada Website

'Turkey Farmers of Canada recommends cooking a whole turkey to an internal temperature of 170°F (77°C) in the breast and 180°F (82°C) in the thigh. When roasting, any stuffing placed in the cavity of the bird should reach an internal temperature of at least 165°F (74°C). Let the bird stand for 15 to 20 minutes before carving. NOTE: Cooking times are for planning purposes only - always use a meat thermometer to determine doneness. Approximate Timetable for Roasting a Turkey at 325°F (160°C).

Roasting Times
Weight	Stuffed	Unstuffed
6 - 8 lbs (3.0 - 3.5 kg)	3 - 3 ¼ hours	2 ½ - 2 ¾ hours
8 - 10 lbs (3.5 - 4.5 kg)	3 ¼ - 3 ½ hours	2 ¾ - 3 hours
10 - 12 lbs (4.5 - 5.5 kg)	3 ½ - 3 ¾ hours	3 - 3 ¼ hours
12 - 16 lbs (5.5 - 7.0 kg)	3 ¾ - 4 hours	3 ¼ - 3 ½ hours
16 - 20 lbs (7.0 - 9.0 kg)	4 ¼ - 4 ¾ hours	3 ¾ - 4 ½ hours
20 - 24 lbs (9.0 - 10.9 kg)	4 ¾ - 5 ½ hours	4 - 5 hours

Cooking times may vary depending on: the temperature of the bird going into the oven, the accuracy of the oven's thermostat, how many times the oven door is opened during roasting, the size of the turkey in relation to the size of the oven.'

Recipes

Ingredients
1 turkey, thawed and gross giblets removed
1 carrot
2 celery stalks
1/2 onion
parsley (I used a handful of fresh parsley)
salt and pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 sprig rosemary

Method
Chop up the carrot, celery and onion into large chunks. Toss into a bowl with parsley, salt and pepper and mix together.  Stuff mixture into the bird cavity. Paint olive oil on outside of bird, sprinkle generously with salt and pepper.  Put sprig of rosemary on the top of the bird and tie bird with oven safe twine (we used these handy things -- a great stocking stuffer!). Cook turkey for appropriate time and baste at least three times during cooking time.  Let sit for at least 15 minutes before carving.

Buttercup Squash Ingredients
1 squash, halved with seeds removed
2 tablespoons local maple syrup
1 tablespoon butter
salt and pepper

Method
In a shallow oven safe dish place two squash halves skin side down.  Paint butter all over the squash flesh.  Pure maple syrup into both halves.  Sprinkle with salt and pepper.  Cook at 400 degrees for 1 hour.  Let cook for 10 minutes before scraping the squash from he skin.  Mix with a fork until it is a
smooth consistency. Enjoy!!!

The End....for now

10 posts later I am finally done writing about our infertility journey.  I was originally going to write one post with the short 'Coles Notes' version of our story but once I started writing a few weeks ago it felt natural and comfortable to write in more detail. We realize that there is a very strong possibility that we will have to go through this process again in the future, but we are so much more prepared for it.  We are grateful for all of the support we've received from our doctors, friends, and families.

My mission for posting about this crazy journey was to spread awareness and to help at least one person experiencing infertility ---based on some amazing conversations I've had with many people since, I can happily say 'mission accomplished'. BOOYA!

I am looking forward to writing about a variety of different topics again but will certainly check in every now and then about pregnancy and baby topics. 

See you on the flip-side kids.



...for now

OHSS

*This is the Dr. Jill version and I am using the knowledge I gained through my personal experiences and my doctors. I am not an expert.

Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) is experienced by up to 30% of IVF patients and can come in the form of mild, moderate or severe. You guessed it, I got it -- lucky me! Thankfully it wasn't until my third cycle. If I had it during my first cycle I'm not sure our journey would have been the same at all. OHSS is a fairly complex syndrome but simply put it is when a woman has high levels of hormones in her system (over stimulated) and her body doesn't like it. Once she 'triggers' with HcG hormone shot 36 hours before egg retrieval, she begins to feel symptomatic almost immediately. My ovaries ended up swelled to the size of grapefruits (they are usually the size of an almond! OUCH!) and has taken close to three months to decrease in size. Everyone experiences different OHSS symptoms and at different times.  It is so important to keep your fertility Doctor in the loop if you think you might be experiencing OHSS.  I didn't hesitate calling or emailing when I was concerned and even barged into the clinic without appointments when I was feeling absolutely terrible. Remember that your doctor has a ton of patients so you need to be on your A-game to watch for warning signs/symptoms -- you are your best advocate. Trust me, you don't want OHSS to get to the severe point. Here are the symptoms I experienced;

Days 1- 3 Post Egg Retrieval:
- Feeling worse then egg retrieval day (you should be feeling a little better with each passing day)
- No appetite
- Nausea
- Sore/tender abdomen
- abdomen bloat
- uterine pain

Day 4 Post Egg Retrieval:
- same as symptoms above
- pain while urinating
- dark urine
- less urine output
- My weight remained steady however I wasn't really eating because of the nausea

Day 5 Embryo Transfer:
- Doctor put me on medication for OHSS for the next 10 days
- Began to feel relief immediately
- All symptoms slowly faded over the following 5 days
Doctors Orders: On top of taking my prescription I was told to take regular Tylonol for the pain and to decrease fluid intake and only drink water/Gatorade when thirsty.  This ended up being about 3 bottles of water/Gatorade per day. Rest lots but get up every so often to move around to prevent blood clots.

Days 6-12 Post Embryo Transfer:
- Intense cramping/contractions in uterus that would come and go every few hours but last for about 15 minutes.  The contractions were debilitating - they made me sick to my stomach and I'd have to lay down on my side. I was brought to tears through most of them.
- Abdomen bloat returned
- very low energy
- Very full feeling in my uterus
- No appetite (weight still steady)
Doctors Orders: Fluid was found in my abdomen that was causing these symptoms.  Was told to take regular Tylonol for the pain and to decrease fluid intake to 1 bottle of Gatorade a day. Sips of water only when thirty. Rest lots but get up every so often to move around to prevent blood clots. 10 days after our transfer date we received our positive pregnancy result.  It was explained to us that when you become pregnant you body begins to make the HcG hormone.  This is the same hormone that caused the original symptoms 36 hours prior to my egg retrieval, thus why I started to experience symptoms again on day 6 post transfer.  This is when our lil' babe implanted.

Days 13-15 Post Embryo Transfer:
- same of symptoms above
- I began experiencing difficulties breathing - shortness of breath (walking up stairs was hard)
- When I bent over I had chest discomfort/pain
Doctors Orders: Fluid found in lungs. Will re-evaluate in two days to see if fluid increases or decreases.  If increased I'd be admitted to the hospital to drain my abdomen and lungs. I immediately went in to see my acupuncturist who was able to do use pressure  points that would encourage the fluid to drain.

Day 16 Post Embryo Transfer:
- energy levels began to increase
- feeling a lot better
Doctors Orders: Fluid was draining on its own (THANK YOU ACUPUNCTURE!!!). Over the next few days slowly begin to increase fluid intake. Take it easy and don't get heart rate up too much. Great! I started work three days after this!

Days 17-30 Post Embryo Transfer:
- With each passing day I started to feel so much better!

 Below is a chart that outlines common signs and symptoms. This chart is from http://www.ivf.com/ohss.html

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS	WHY IT HAPPENS	WHAT TO DO
Mild You may experience: - Abdominal bloating and feeling of fullness - Nausea - Diarrhea - Slight weight gain	This may be due to: - Ovaries are larger than normal, tender and fragile - High level of estrogen (E2) and progesterone in the bloodstream may upset your digestive system and fluid balance causing bloating.	Recommended treatment: - Avoid sexual intercourse - Do not have a vaginal (pelvic) exam other than by one of our physicians - Reduce activities, no heavy lifting, straining or exercise - Drink clear fluids, flat coke, ginger ale, cranberry juice, Gatorade or Ensure
Moderate You may also experience: - Weight gain of greater than 2 lbs. per day (excessive weight gain) - Increased abdominal measurement causing clothes to feel tight - Vomiting & diarrhea - Urine is darker and amount is less - Skin/hair may feel dry - Thirst	This may be due to: - High levels of hormones in the bloodstream upset the digestive system - Fluid imbalance causes dehydration because body fluids collect in the abdomen and other tissues - This fluid collection causes severe bloating	As noted above plus: - Call our nurses - You may need to be seen by a physician who will do an ultrasound - Record your weight twice daily - Record the number of times you urinate each day - Contact our office if you note a five pound weight gain over the previous 24 hours, note a drop in the frequency of urination (~50%), or increasing pelvic pain
Severe You may also experience: - Fullness/bloating up above the belly button - Shortness of breath - Urination has reduced or stopped and become darker - Calf pains and chest pains - Marked abdominal bloating or dissention - Lower abdominal pain	This may be due to: - Extremely large ovaries - Fluid collects in lungs and/or abdominal cavity, as well as in tissues - The risk of abnormal blood clotting increases	As noted above plus: - Notify the physician on call - You may need to be assessed at the hospital or our clinic - Excess fluid may need to be removed from your abdominal cavity

The Grand Totals

Every infertility journey is vastly different.  Some people miraculously become pregnant naturally after they have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, some people will experience numerous miscarriages with no clear reason and will have to seek other options, some people may get pregnant after the first or seventh fertility treatment.  In our case the journey was statistically accurate. We had a 33% shot at conceiving through assisted reproductive technology and sure enough it took three tries.  Since our very first appointment at the fertility clinic I decided to document everything -- dates, tests, my mood, medication names and amounts, results, medication side effects -- everything!  Of course, at the beginning I had no idea the journey we'd be in for, so the intended one page word document turned into eleven. Holy crap. While it is difficult to look back at some of those tougher times (heartbreak hells) I find it comforting to see how far we've come.  We've learned so much and I now I get to pass along some of the knowledge and awareness to others. Infertility is one of those taboo topics that people rarely talk about but so many people experience it.  The more it is talked about, the less shame and isolation people will feel who might be experiencing it. Who knows maybe even one day OHIP will get their heads out of their asses and realized that Infertility is in fact a pandemic and needs to be recognized as such. Our three procedures had a total price tag of over $30,000.00 (*our first 2 procedures were covered by our Doctors and donors because of the clinical study).  WTF is that?! Yes, we are so grateful to live in a country that gives people like us options, but come on - people shouldn't have to take out a second mortgage to have a 33% chance of a procedure working. OHIP will only cover 3 rounds of IVF if I had 100% blockage in my tubes. We received $0.00 support from OHIP. Ok, I'm going to cut myself off there -- before I get irate and punch my computer screen.

I went through all eleven pages of our journey and tallied everything up.  It really put things into prospective.  This isn't meant to scare anyone who is considering fertility treatment options but rather to see what you might possibility be up against.

Months Trying: 23 months
Months for a Diagnosis: 4 months
Months of Treatment: 5 months
Specialist Appointments:  54
Rounds of Blood work (1-6 vials per visit): 31
Self-Administered Injections: 56

 

I had dinner with a friend tonight and she asked me "Would you do it again?".  Without hesitation I responded with "Absolutely".  After my first procedure I didn't think I could ever do it again but I ended up jumping right back on the fertility treatment wagon.  While it was so freakin' difficult to go through three cycles, it was completely worth it. We might be faced with another IVF cycle in the future and I am ready and willing to endure it again, if my ballooned ovaries ever forgive me :)

For more information and support resources visit Infertility Awareness Association of Canada

Lucky Round 3

My body didn't bounce back quite as fast from our second procedure as it did from our first so my specialist put me on medication to help level out my hormones.  By the end of July I was back to my old self so my husband and I decided to give it a go again. AGAIN?!  The fact that I was on summer break was ideal since this would decrease my stress levels and enable me to attend appointments at a drop of a hat.  July was spent relaxing, traveling and visiting with friends and family so that put us in a good head space to give it another whirl. Our only fertility treatment option by this point was a traditional round of IVF since we only had 2 frozen embryos left and both weren't very good quality. IVF it was. I started on injections again (blah) and began doing everything I possibly could to increase our chances.  IVF only has an average of 33% chance of working so I figured this was my time to do absolutely anything I could to help increase those odds. I did a ton of research, talked to a lot of people who had went through IVF and compiled a pretty lengthy list of things that I could do to help. Some sound absolutely crazy -- this I know, but at this point we were desperate and were willing to try all the 'crazy' things that were suggested to us. I didn't do any of this stuff in my first two cycles because I wasn't very educated about fertility treatment since it was all so new to me. For those of you reading who are preparing for an IVF cycle, here is my crazy list. Disclaimer: While I like the sound of 'Dr. Jill', I am not a medical professional and this is just from my own personal experiences.

1. Acupuncture 2-3 times per week leading up to egg retrieval (I did that for 3 weeks)
2. Acupuncture 1time within 24 hours following the embryo transfer
3. No cold food or drinks for two weeks after embryo transfer (nothing straight from the fridge - this was a huge challenge...)
4. No heat pads after embryo transfer
5. Mindful walks daily leading up to transfer -- taking walks and enjoying and savouring every moment.  Don't think about anything but the beauty around you and live in the moment (sounds hippy dippy I know but I loved this time with my puppy)
6. BED REST! I did 3 days of bed rest following my transfer
7.  Watch funny movies immediately after your transfer -- laughter releases endorphins/hormones that help with fertility
8. Take time off work -- as much as you can!
9. Don't worry, be happy. We didn't think for one minute what we'd do if this cycle didn't work out for us.  Live in the moment!
10. Drink a ton of water
11. Only very light exercise during the two week wait after your transfer
12. Visualization - imagine over and over again that little embryo nesting into your uterus.  Imagine that embryo growing into a baby. Imagine you and your husband cuddling that baby!
13. Music -- listen to calming music leading up to your procedures.  I even brought it into the recovery room after I was out of the operating room.
14. A good luck charm - A beautiful friend gave me a rock that said "Believe" across it.  I took that thing to every appointment for this cycle and it even came into the operating room for both my egg retrieval and embryo transfer.  I found it very comforting.
15. Discuss a 5 day transfer option with your specialist.  We did 3 day transfers the first two times -- this time we were willing to take the risk of losing all of our embryos just to get one strong one.  It worked!

 I truly believe that a combination of this crazy list helped us become successful this time. I had a terrible experience with acupuncture the first few visits. After consulting some acupuncture savvy friends I decided to switch acupuncturists and give it another try. We saw a fertility focused acupuncturist - she was amazing! So grateful I decided to stick with it. It was nice to feel like I had some power over the situation by doing all of this stuff.  The first two rounds I felt helpless since I didn't think anything was in my power. Boy was I wrong.

This round they retrieved 11 mature follicles (eggs) of which 6 fertilized.  With guidance from our embryologist and fertility specialist on day 3 post egg retrieval we decided to take the risk and wait until day 5 to transfer an embryo.  On transfer day we found out while laying on the operating table that only 3 embryos had survived.  1 that made it to blastocyst (the strongest little guys at this stage) and two that were lagging by about 24 hours.  We had a huge decision to make in a five minute span.  Transfer the strong one and let the other two try to grow over night and hopefully survive to be frozen OR transfer two to increase our chances, let the other one try to grow over night to freeze.  The catch; the two lagging ones likely wouldn't survive outside of the womb for one more day. Ugh. We asked the medical team to step out of the operating room (ballsy eh? We're bad ass like that) and we had a good heart-to-heart.  We decided to transfer our one perfect 5 day blastocyst and pray that the other two make it to the freezing stage for if we needed to do another frozen embryo transfer. We found out the following Wednesday afternoon that we were pregnant -- we found out that evening that our two other embryos didn't survive.  It was all meant to be. I'm not a very spiritual person but I have to say, through all of this craziness I've had an overwhelming feeling of peace with our situation (not that is hasn't been difficult or heartbreaking -- but I've been able to accept it and move forward without dwelling).  I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and infertility is no exception.  I don't believe that people are infertile because they aren't meant to be parents -- that's just bull shit.  For me personally I believe the reason I've been dealt this card is because I never considered myself a strong-willed, nor patient person.  I have truly learned more about life and myself in the last two years then I have through the other 29 years of my life.  I am more grateful, more thankful, more aware, more patient, and stronger.  Thank you little baby for teaching me such life-altering lessons.  I promise to return the favour once you arrive. We can't wait to meet you...

So very thankful

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 

 My husband and I are extremely thankful for so many reasons but this Thanksgiving we are especially thankful that the third time was a charm. 

 

We are thrilled to announce that our little one will be arriving at the end of April.

I decided to share my journey to help at least one couple who might be in a similar situation. I realize that some people don't agree with me 'airing my dirty laundry' -- to each their own. I know first hand that pregnancy announcements can hurt if you are experiencing difficulties becoming pregnant. I am so sorry if this post has hurt you. I truly hope in some way that my story has given you the hope that you need to move forward.  If you want children you will become parents, this I know.  It just takes time to figure out what options you have and what options are a good fit for you. We are so thankful for all of the options we have/had to choose from.

 

Take time today to remember all the things you have in your life to be thankful for.

 

Thank you for reading our infertility story. The outpour of support we have received is truly humbling.

 

Thanking my lucky stars. 

Round 2

After a follow up appointment with our specialist, an ultrasound and lots of blood work it was determined that I was ready to rock another cycle of fertility treatment.  My body had thankfully bounced back after having my ovaries balloon to the size of grapefruits and experiencing an early miscarriage.  My ovaries were on their way back to normal and my hormones had leveled right now. BOOYA!  That was the news we needed to hear.  Bring on round #2!  Since we had froze 6 embryos we decided to do a frozen embryo transfer.  This meant that they didn't need to harvest my eggs so no hormone injections needed - YAHOO!  I was put on oral hormone therapy that helped prepare my body to hold onto a precious little embryo, or two.  My 31st Birthday was spent in the only place I wanted to be at that point in my life -- beside my husband in the hospital getting two perfect little embryos transferred into my uterus. We walked into the hospital that day thinking we'd choose to put back one little embryo but we both felt so strongly when we saw a picture of the two embryos they had thawed for the procedure that we decided to choose both. Two babies sounded much better to us than none. Unfortunately the oral hormone I was on tricked my body into thinking I was pregnant so I was experiencing many pregnancy symptoms including nausea, fatigue, and sore breasts for the following two weeks.  Neither of the perfect little Birthday embryos wanted to stay put in my uterus and we received a big fat negative result from our pregnancy test.  Heartbreak hell round 2. F&*k. We decided that we needed to tell our close family and friends what was going on because we needed their support more then ever. It took us a while to emotionally recover from the bad news but we made sure to give ourselves time to grieve and not rush through it. I don't think I would have been able to get through this without the amazing love and support our amazing circle of family and friends. We are so grateful to have these wonderful people in our lives.

ugh -- so now what? Back to the drawing board...

Our Next Step

After much deliberation and research my husband and I decided that starting our fertility treatment journey by participating in a clinical study felt right to us.  It would give us a chance to learn to navigate the crazy world of assisted reproductive technology all while not having to pay a cent (a regular cycle of IVF costs about $12,000). Since it take the average infertile couple 3 attempts at fertility treatment before experiencing success we figured we didn't have anything to lose.  I won't get into much detail about the study because I could probably write a 4,000 word post just on that so if you want to learn more check out it out here. I started hormone injections the day we signed our consent papers in late April, which I was so grateful for because it didn't give me any time to worry or get worked up since I had a fear of needles. It was go time. Unfortunately this cycle of fertility treatment came during a very stressful time at work -- in retrospect this was not ideal at all. I had to be on bed rest for 6 days and we also had to travel to and from Toronto (during rush hour I might add) for my procedures.  It was all a whirl wind and took a total of 21 days from the beginning of injections to our embryo transfer date.  They were able to retrieve 13 mature eggs, 7 of which fertilized into embryos. We decided to transfer 1 three day embryo because we weren't ready to commit to the idea of multiples at that point. We froze the remaining 6 embryos, of which two were very strong. We ended up experiencing a early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) from that procedure which was devastating...heartbreak hell. I decided to make an appointment with my fertility specialist three days later to discuss the next step.  I am so glad I decided to do that because it turns out my husband and I found such comfort in focusing on the next step (whatever it was going to be) and enabled us to move forward from our loss.

The first procedure taught us so much in such a short period of time. For those who are going into their first cycle, here are some helpful hints that I wish I knew before going into our first cycle.

1. If possible try to have the procedure done close to home.  If this isn't an option try to stay at a hotel the night before and the night of your procedures.  While it is cost effective to stay with friends or family, this is a very difficult/crazy time and you might want to have a space all to yourselves.

2. Listen to your body!  My ovaries swelled to the size of grapefruits and I was in agony.  In retrospect I should have spoken up more to my Doctors when I was feeling uncomfortable.

3. Don't be afraid to ask for more pain meds during the egg retrieval.  My body didn't take to the freezing and I ended up feeling the entire thing. Hell I tell you.  You shouldn't have to suffer through any of this.

4.  Use a heat pad to relieve discomfort after your egg retrieval (but NOT after your embryo transfer -- heat isn't good for the lil' guys)

5. Bring snacks and drinks for you and your hubby to all of your procedures.  Wait times can be long and after the 12 hour fast before your egg retrieval you'll want to eat something when you get out of the operating room.

6. Bring music and reading material for you and hubby.  A great distraction.

7.  Bring warm socks to wear in the operating room

8. Take time off work! I should have taken more time off but I didn't realize it at the time. Sick time is there to use -- use it.  If you need to take a short term medical leave, do it.  Stress levels mess with the chances of becoming pregnant.

9. Don't feel like you have to go through it alone.  If you have a few people in your life that you can tell, then tell them.  I personally felt so alone after my chemical pregnancy --- I really regret not telling more people.

10. During your stimulation phase pamper yourself - get  a massage, get your nails done - whatever floats your boat.

11. Eat something before your morning self-injections. I learned this one the hard way...

12. Ask for help when you need it. Don't be a hero. If you can't face doing your own injections ask your husband.  If you don't feel like going to social gatherings say no.  If you don't feel like cooking get take out of ask the hubby to cook. I carried on with my life as is during my first procedure and I shouldn't have.

The main thing I learned from my first cycle is to live in the moment and learn to let go.  There is no point on focusing on the past and what we can't change.  Looking too far into the future can be so draining as well. With fertility treatment we cannot predict the future so why worry about it.  Live in the moment and try to be grateful -- grateful for technology, grateful for your amazing marriage, grateful for the many wonderful things that you have going on in your life. Life can still be great, whether you are infertile or not.

What might sting...

The point of me writing about my husband and my most intimate experiences is because over the last two years I have found immense comfort in reading about other women's infertility struggles and successes. I am not looking for sympathy and I certainly hope that these posts don't come across as whinny. I'm just trying to help another sista out.

Throughout our infertility journey we have experienced many difficult situations. I want to be clear that most of these situations came to be because we kept our story a secret for so long.  I realize that many of these things wouldn't have happened if we told people early on what we were going through.  The point of this post isn't to make people feel badly, but rather help us all become a little bit more mindful of others potentially difficult situations. Infertility, illness, or whatever it might be. Below is a list that I personally have found difficult and have read that many other women find them difficult as well. I am the first to admit that I didn't think of these things at all prior to two years ago when we started trying to build a family.  

• Be conscious of the fact that a couple might be struggling with infertility.
• Not all people want to have children - don't assume.
• The question "when are you having children?" is such a hurtful question.  It assumes that 1) they want children 2) they are able to have children and 3) they have control over when they can have them.
• While you are thrilled about your pregnancy and want to broadcast it to the world, be careful how you go about doing it.  Chances are at least one person you tell your happy news to is struggling with infertility and might even have recently suffered a miscarriage. Don't get me wrong, this shouldn't take away from the joy you are experiencing right now but just be mindful.
• If you are pregnant and you have a friend that is experiencing infertility expect that she will push herself away from you. Don't take this personally. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.  She is happy for you but doesn't know how to deal with the question "why can't that happen to me too?".  Give her space and time.  She will come around.
• Baby showers can be the absolute most difficult time for an infertile woman. If you have a friend kindly decline an invite, don't question it or get upset.  Chances are your friend will spend the day in bed feeling sorry for herself while also being consumed with guilt for not being mentally able to attend.
• Don't be obvious, but if you know someone who has struggled with getting pregnant tell your suspected friend about it -- sometimes hearing other peoples stories can be comforting
• Don't be offending if your friend doesn't tell you about her infertility problems.  It is one of the most intimate health issues a couple can experience.
• If you have children and a friend invites you somewhere and doesn't mention that it is a kid-friendly get together, plan to leave your child(ren) with a sitter or with the hubby. She just needs some girl time.
• Add variety to your conversations -- work, family, friends, kids, currently events, etc. Hearing only about pregnancy and babies can be a heart breaking experience for people going through fertility issues.
• Try not to isolate childless couples, they do it enough their selves.  Don't be afraid to include them in anything.  The worst that could happen is they say 'no thanks'.  
• Some infertile women find comfort and hope in cuddling small infants. Let your friend know she is welcome to come visit your new little nugget.
• Surprise pregnancies are difficult to digest, especially when people say they weren't even trying, or they aren't even sure they want kids. It will take a long time for an infertile couple to recover from a surprise announcement. Someone very close to me had me over and delicately told me her and her husband were trying for a baby. This wasn't news she was broadcasting to the world, but I was so touched that she told me so that we could prepare ourselves for the news.

Again, the point of this post isn't for people to feel shitty about themselves. Hell, I've probably done half of this shit before.  I am writing to promote awareness about something that is a huge part of my life now. If I can help even one person I will be a happy camper.

Off to eat oatmeal cookies. I hear them screaming my name from the counter...

Timothy S. Johnston

I'm a pretty lucky lady when it comes to my circle of friends and family.  Not only are they amazingly supportive but they are beautiful inside and out, kind, generous and oh so talented.  I have teacher friends, friends who can sing, chef friends, super duper crafty friends, and I also have a friend who writes novels.  I don't mean a friend who wishes they wrote novels, I'm talking an actual author who has written for 25+ years and as of this year has a book deal. BOOYA!  I pretty much consider myself partially famous just for knowing him :)  Please, please, please take a minute to visit his website and take a poke around (that's what she said).  He even has a Facebook page that is worth liking. Do it. I would appreciate it and I know he would too. His book "The Furnace" is available for pre order.  You know those times in life that you totally regret a decision you made? Ya, you'll totally regret not ordering this. Just sayin'.....

Concept art by N. Housden.

Thank God for Options

The bad news is were diagnosed as Infertile.  Sh*t, dammit, son of a b*tch....... The good news is we had options.  Phew! Our amazing Fertility Specialist helped explain our options and gave us all the time we needed to make a decision.  We never once felt pressured to do one thing or another. These were our options in no particular order;

1) Surgery to attempt to unblock my fallopian tubes
While this was a solid option that had the potential to have a long term outcome we decided against it due to the potential for complications, recovery time and the possibility that it could leave me worse off.

2) Adoption
This is definitely an option but to us it was important to investigate options to have a biological child first before moving onto adoption.

3) Remain a childless couple
Not an option for us. We both feel very strongly that we are meant to be parents.  While many people are content with this decision we knew that our lives wouldn't be complete without a child.

4) Participate in a clinical study of a new fertility treatment called INVOcell
Risky since there isn't a lot of research done on this procedure (none in North American), but an exciting opportunity to be apart of something so ground breaking.  The fact that fees would all be covered was appealing to us as well.

5) Undergo a standard cycle of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)
A very solid contender.  We didn't know much about the procedure but we knew there was a ton of reliable information out there that would help us make a decision.

10 steps

Am I the only one who does this? I have a garage that has a door directly into the house and it takes me about 10 steps to get from the car to the kitchen. I really don't know why I have the mindset that I must bring everything in at once. Please tell me I'm not alone... lol.

D Day.

After 10 months of trying to conceive naturally we began to see my OB/GYN more regularly to try to get some answers. We ran a few tests, which included the worst HSG procedure known to man that lasted 25+ minutes and resulted in blood loss and a great deal of pain. According to my (then) Doctor the results were inconclusive and she decided to referred me onto a fertility specialist. Even after the referral it took a while for us to receive a diagnosis for our infertility. My husband went through a few standard tests and he received the all clear. I under went many rounds of blood work over the course of 4 months, another HSG test that went a million times smoother then the first, and a Saline Sonohysterogram. I consider ourselves so very lucky that we eventually received a diagnosis.  I don't like the unknown or surprises so getting a diagnosis was very comforting to me, regardless of what the diagnosis was. After 16 months we finally had a answer - tubal blockage, cause; unknown. I have one tube that is entire blocked with scar tissue and the other is over half blocked. This meant my very healthy eggs cannot get from my ovaries to my uterus and therefore no opportunity to link up with a sperm for a hot date.  There were no warning signs that I had tubal blockage except in retrospect I did feel ovulation every few months, since women ovulate from alternating ovaries (sometimes it can be one side 1,2 or 3 months in a row, but eventually it switches to the other side). I would only be uncomfortable for about a half of a day and felt like a couldn't stand up straight and my side was tender to the touch.  I have also had a few small ovary cysts on the blocked side which I believe were caused by my eggs getting 'stuck'.  Since I don't like the unknown I have found it difficult to not know why I have tubal blockage.  My specialist listed off a few things that could have contributed which include genetics (my Nana had blocked tubes), a low grade infection when I was younger, environment reasons, or just because.  Just because...got to love that answer, eh? Regardless, we had a diagnosis after 16 months and we were happy to have a few answers. I won't lie, I definitely shed some tears about the diagnosis but we kept reminding ourselves that there are worse things in life.  With this diagnosis it was time for us to sit and think about our next steps with the help our of specialist.